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  1. #21
    HJC Non Paid Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Hindhead
    Name
    Ben
    Posts
    92

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread

    Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Richard Hammond

    Richard Hammond Only Nearly died on Topgear

  2. #22
    Super Moderator (formerly bananayellow)
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Fleet, Hampshire
    Name
    Duncan
    Posts
    3,036

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread

    Frank who?

    A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it was going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

    Passenger: Who?"

    Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right al the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

    Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

    Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

    Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

    Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

    Passenger: "Wow, some guy then!"

    Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. And he really knew them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man ! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman." perfect man ! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

    Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

    Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank before he died. I married his f***ing widow!

  3. #23
    HJC Paid Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Waterlooville
    Name
    Paul
    Posts
    3,919

    Default

    Bra Sizes
    Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the Letters used to define bra sizes, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for???

    Well its time you became informed!

    (A) Almost tits.
    (B) Barely there.
    (C) Can't Complain!
    (D) Damn!
    (DD) Double Damn!
    (E) Enormous!
    (F) Fake.
    (G) Get a Reduction.
    (H )Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

  4. #24
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Hants
    Name
    Chris
    Posts
    15,735

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread


  5. #25
    HJC Paid Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Waterlooville
    Name
    Paul
    Posts
    3,919

    Default

    Amy Winehouse meets Princess Diana up in heaven and asks her why her halo is black?

    Princess Diana replies ''You're obviously still off your tits Amy, this is a steering wheel !''

  6. #26
    HJC Paid Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Waterlooville
    Name
    Paul
    Posts
    3,919

    Default

    The missus was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt she normally slept in.

    As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'

    My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.

    Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

    Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

    She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

  7. #27
    HJC Non Paid Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Chandlers Ford
    Name
    Serena
    Posts
    675

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread

    There once was a barmaid named Gayle,
    On her breasts were the prices of ale,
    And on her behind,
    for the sake of the blind,
    was the same information in braille.

  8. #28
    HJC Non Paid Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    On a drag strip, WRX type Ra
    Name
    mark szemruk
    Posts
    1,461

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread

    While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast,​ I suddenly heard a loud thud.Runni​ng in, I found her dead on the floor. In a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do.Then I remembered​ Wetherspoo​ns do an all-day breakfast for 3.99

  9. #29
    HJC Non Paid Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Hook
    Name
    Dan Tanfield
    Posts
    3,205

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread

    lol i like that one mark

  10. #30
    HJC Paid Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Waterlooville
    Name
    Paul
    Posts
    3,919

    Default

    A little boy has diarrhoea and asks:

    "Mummy please can you give me some Viagra?"

    The mum replies: "WHAT THE HELL FOR?!"

    "well," the boy said , "Isn't that what you give daddy when 'his s**t doesn't get hard'?"

 

 

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