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  1. #161
    HJC Non Paid Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    On a drag strip, WRX type Ra
    Name
    mark szemruk
    Posts
    1,461

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread

    Next paragraph for my Fifty Shades of Gray book: "After what seemed around 10 minutes of humping the arse off her i pulled out, pumped the vast contents of my overflowing
    nutsack and left her with a face looking like a plasterer's radio" ......

    Fifty Shades Of Grey (Yorkshire Edition):
    After point blankly refusing to fork out for lube, he smeared her back doors in margarine and began masterfully heightening her pleasure. She screamed "Eeee ya tight fooka, I can't believe it's not butter!"

    Watching the paralympics today made me wonder...


    If this lot can run faster than I can, swim better than I can, lift heavier weights than I can, why the **** do they need to park closer to Asda than me?


    Been to the optician today - he told me I was colour blind.
    Im worried now that some of my mates could be pakis. If u are, can u delete my number - thanks.

  2. #162
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Hants
    Name
    Chris
    Posts
    15,735

    Default

    Dear Sir

    On behalf of channel four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is 'Fact Hunt''!

    Kind regards
    Channel four.


    …................................................. ......
    Last edited by NismoGTR; 02-10-2012 at 12:01 AM.

  3. #163
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Hants
    Name
    Chris
    Posts
    15,735

    Default

    My girlfriend was putting sun cream on.

    "Do you mind doing my back?" she asked.

    "Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes."

    "Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?"

    And that was all the invitation I needed .....





    …................................................. ......
    Last edited by NismoGTR; 02-10-2012 at 12:02 AM.

  4. #164
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Hants
    Name
    Chris
    Posts
    15,735

    Default

    Had my water bill drop through the door this morning ... 359!!
    Then i remembered that advert from the tele ... Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just 2 a month ... Time to change my supplier i think!!!

  5. #165
    HJC Non Paid Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    On a drag strip, WRX type Ra
    Name
    mark szemruk
    Posts
    1,461

    Default Re: The Slightly Wrong Joke Thread

    I got woken up in the early hours as my son got in from a night out, giggling and stumbling up the stairs before the inevitable groans and banging headboard of a good old drunken shag. 'That's my boy.' I whispered to myself and nodded back off to sleep, proud as proud can be!


    I waited for the all clear in the morning then collared him.


    "Had a good time last night?", I asked.


    "Yeah, thanks for asking.", he replied sheepishly.


    "Listen son," I said, "I was your age once, going round town nailing everything in sight but I was always careful and you should do the same. You did wear a condom didn't you?"


    "Don't worry dad," he replied, "we both did!"

 

 

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